Advice on What To Do and Not Do Immediately After a Breakup
According to scientists, going through a breakup is the second most stressful life experience. Second only to the death of a spouse. If your wife died, you wouldn’t rush through the aftermath and act like nothing happened, would you? Probably not. A breakup should be treated with the same care.

Going through a breakup can be confusing. You might not be sure what to do or how to feel. There’s no right or wrong way to handle a breakup. But there are things you should and shouldn’t do that will make it much easier. If you follow these tips, you’ll come out a wiser, healthier person.

WHAT TO DO

  1. Mourn your loss. You just lost one of the most important relationships in your life. It’s going to hurt, and that’s okay. Allow yourself to grieve the loss by feeling whatever emotions come your way. Ignoring them will prolong the process. Emotions have a way of creeping back up on you. Process your feelings now, whatever they are. Anger, resentment, sadness, confusion, relief, etc. If you feel overwhelmed, you can organize your emotions by writing or talking.
  2. Talk to people. Reaching out to someone can be a relief when you’re dealing with a breakup. You might not have many friends you trust your feelings with, but if you have one, call them. If you don’t have a friend to call, try a family member or acquaintance. And if you don’t have either of those options, call a therapist or counselor. Having an unbiased person with no vested interest can be a helpful advantage. Talking to another person can help you gain perspective and provide a welcome distraction.
  3. Stay busy. Sitting at home by yourself can be dangerous. It’s the perfect environment to start remembering your ex. Get out, do things you enjoy. Remind yourself how fun life can be without her. Spend time with other people you enjoy being with. Do things to take care of yourself. Go running or to the gym. Try a new hobby or learn a new skill. Buy some new clothes or get a haircut. Reinvent yourself, you’re a new person.
  4. Be single. Jumping into another relationship is a bad idea. You won’t be able to deal with your breakup because you’re distracted by the new relationship. If/when this relationship ends, your emotions will be stronger because you’ll be dealing with two breakups at once. This is how people become jaded and begin to think things like, “all women are evil.” If you never give yourself a chance to learn from a breakup, you’ll make the same mistakes with every relationship.


WHAT NOT TO DO

  1. Stalk her. What she’s doing in her life is not your business. You need distance from her. Focus on your life, your feelings, and your goals. By stalking her you’re reminding yourself of why she hurt you, or what you’re missing. Either one of those things (or both) will cause you pain. Avoid calling or texting her, don’t show up at her house, and unfriend her on Facebook. Go your separate ways, so you can move on and live your life.
  2. Sleep with her. You broke up for a reason. Sleeping with her will drag out your healing process and complicate things. You’ll want to get back together, even though you know you shouldn’t. It’s not worth it. Another woman will come along when you’re ready.
  3. Get revenge. Yes, she hurt you. Yes, you’re angry. The desire to be impulsive sounds pretty good. But, don’t. Revenge does nothing but damage your reputation. If you want to date again, resist the urge. Wait it out, the appetite for vengeance will pass.


This breakup is about you. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. These tips will help you be a stronger, healthier version of yourself. A breakup is a painful and traumatic experience. It’s also an opportunity to learn and grow as a person. When you’re ready, use it to your advantage. Ask the right questions, and you’ll get the answers you need.