Communicating With Your Ex
  • | September 27, 2016
Well the relationships over and it’s time to move on but for some reason or another you have to communicate with your ex. Maybe there’s children involved or maybe there’s legal proceedings still in play.  In any case, you want to keep your interactions as civil and focused as possible to avoid any confrontation. Here are 7 quick tips on communicating with your ex.

  1. Keep it focused. Whatever you have to discuss, keep things on topic. The moment you stray to other areas you’re likely to regress back to an argument. If you have to discuss your children, discuss your children, and move on.

  2. Keep it short. There’s no need to get into long, drawn out discussions. Say what you have to say and leave it at that.

  3. Consider the legal ramifications. If you’re in a legal battle concerning your divorce or custody of your children, your lawyer has likely advised you not to contact your ex. Remember anything you say or do may be used against you in court so let the legal system do its thing and don’t give them any more reasons to find against you.

  4. Don’t meet in person. If there is nothing (like children) that will force you to stay in contact with one another, consider communicating only through voice or text. If all you need is to swing by their house and pick up a few things after a breakup, consider scheduling it when the other person is not around (with their knowledge and consent of course). Many arguments have escalated while one partner stands over another partner who’s packing up their things. Not to mention this can be a tense, emotion-filled moment. If possible, avoid direct contact.

  5. Put away the swords. The relationship is over, right? There’s no point in getting back into an argument. If she didn’t see your side to begin with, she’s not going to magically see it now and vice versa. If you must communicate, keep your past in the past and move forward. Nothing good will come of falling back into playing the blame game or rehashing old wounds.

  6. Use friends, but respectfully. If you need to communicate directly but every time you do it turns into a blowout, consider using mutual friends as intermediaries. This can help accomplish certain needs for interaction without leading to another fight. Be respectful of your friend’s position though as no one wants to get dragged into another couple’s baggage. Keep it short and on topic. Also, if the same person is the “go between” for you two, be careful what you say to them. Always keep in mind it could get back to your ex.

  7. Cut ties and move on. If there’s nothing keeping you two connected, then why are you continuing the communication? Sometimes it’s time to just cut ties and move on. Relationships end and it is time to get on with your life. Don’t start drunk dialing or texting her out of the blue at 2am. She wants to get on with her life also and you will never come off looking good if you do this. Sometimes the best way to communicate with an ex is not at all.

Communicating with an ex can be a tense, stressful interaction. Maybe communication is the reason for the breakup in the first place. In any event, keep these 7 tips in mind when dealing with a breakup and you can make communicating with an ex a lore more stress free.

Good luck.