How to handle women's insecuritiezs
  • | October 5, 2016
For some men, questions like “Do I look fat?” may sound funny and not appear to be a big deal, but for women, it really IS a big deal. Women are inherently wired to be more insecure when it comes to their appearance and personality quirks. They will check their appearance in the mirror a hundred times and focus in on any perceived imperfection.  And if she asking you it means she has been asking herself the same question a million times before she finally takes the courage to ask you. So how do you deal with these traps? Here are some quick tips:

  1. Be proactive with compliments: The best way with dealing with these traps is avoiding them altogether.  Be generous with compliments and remind her how beautiful she really is. Keep her confidence sky-high and she will not need reassurance with these trap questions.

  2. Don’t try to argue with her or give her that infamous blank stare: Remember the female insecurity thing we have discussed in other articles?  Sure, you may think the question is stupid and worthless, but she doesn’t.  Failure to respond will be perceived as a "yes" and feed into her insecurities.

  3. Don’t tell her the absolute cold harsh truth: Even if you do feel she should lose weight never, ever, under any circumstances admit that she is fat. Remember, honesty isn't what she is seeking with the question. Honesty will make her confidence go south just at the time she needs it to go north.  Plus, you will be seen as an insensitive jerk.

  4. Don't oversell a lie: There is just as much risk responding with an answer that is blatantly untrue.  She will see through the lie and and predictably take the answer as affirmation to the question.

  5. Re-frame the conversation with a question:  Turn the conversation on it's head by responding with your own question.  You could ask "Honey, why do you ask that because I find you beautiful" or "I know I get lazy with my compliments but have I ever given you the impression that I thought you were fat"?  The key to succeeding with this approach is your willingness to discuss the issues underlying the question.  Success means dodging the question and more importantly learning about the insecurities that prompted the question in the first place.

  6. Expect the question to be repeated: Here is the irony, the worse your response the quicker the question will be asked again.  And unfortunately, even if you nail-it, the question won't be put to bed.  Don't get frustrated and fall into the trap that you cleared the first time.

The above tips can be applied in similar ways to questions like: “Which of my female friends you find attractive?” or “Do you prefer going out with your buddies instead of me?” or “Do you really love me?” Of course your exact answer will vary according to the question.  However, what should not vary is your desire to reduce insecurities in your gal and build a stronger relationship.

Good luck.