Dealing with Infidelity
  • | October 5, 2016
You never thought it would happen to you. It happens to other people, sure, but not you. You were so sure this would last forever and that you weren’t like those other couples that wind up cheating on each other.

Unfortunately, infidelity occurs in many couples. Some are able to move past it while others end in disaster. Nobody plans for infidelity and they can find it difficult to know what to do next when it does happen. The important thing is to remain as calm and rational as possible when deciding what to do next.

  1. Don’t do anything you can’t take back. From harsh words to violence some things you simply can’t undo. When confronted with a cheating partner, the last thing you probably want to do is calm down but it’s the first thing you should try and do. Whether this spells the end for your relationship or you’re going to try and work it out, remember that some things are forever so be careful with what you do and how you react.

  2. Weight your options. Should you stay or should you go? Can this be salvaged? Is it worth saving? Will you ever be able to trust them again? These are all valid questions that you want to think long and hard on. It may take time to come up with the answers so be patient.

  3. What could you have done differently? Rarely does a perfectly happy couple just decide to go off and cheat on each other one day, so ask yourself what happened and what you could have done differently. It was her decision to cheat but you may need to take some responsibility for the deterioration of the relationship as well. Think of this when answering the questions in tip #2. If you’re going to try staying together, there’s obviously some things that need to change and some of that will have to come from you.

  4. Think of the kids. Yes, statistics show that children who grow up in a family with their mother and father present are better off than those who don’t. Statistics also show that growing up in a tense household where mom and dad hate each other and fight all the time is bad for them as well. Whatever you decide to do, if there are children involved your priority needs to be what’s best for them. Plenty of high achieving adults came from divorced relationships.

  5. Don’t stick with a bad investment. It may be time to call it quits. Don’t fall victim to the way of thinking that goes: “but we’ve been together for 5 years already. If I leave now, then those last 5 years were for nothing!” At a certain point, those five years will turn into 10 years and then what? If you can’t stick it out and make the relationship work, then don’t be afraid to cut your losses and move on with your life. Sometimes relationships end. That’s just the way of things.

  6. If you’re sticking around you need to learn to forgive. So the relationship is worth saving after all? Great. But you need to learn to forgive and move past it. Not all at once, of course. It may take time. What you can’t do is start putting limits and conditions into the relationship, i.e. “you cheated while going out with your friends so we’ll stay together as long as you never go out with your friends again.” This will only end badly. If you’re going to forgive, forgive. Don’t hang it over her head like a scarlet letter for the rest of her life. If you can’t get past it, see tip #5.

Dealing with Infidelity in a relationship is a painful experience and it can create self-doubt, depression, and more. If you find yourself in the unfortunate situation of having to deal with infidelity, keep these 6 tips in mind and let cooler heads prevail.