When attempting to explain the concept of choosing happiness to my children, I tend to tell them this example.  Each day is not what a person would call a happy day, but each day does have the chance of happiness in it.  To understand the concept of happiness, adults will turn to the ancient Greek texts and terms where happiness is bound to the response from the goodness of their God. True happiness, according to theology, is borne from a true thankfulness for all good things available in our lives.

So, when applying this concept of happiness to marriage, each day may not be a good day; however, each day has the potential of good in it if we seek out good.  This practice should become a habit, and this habit will help a person find happiness in their marriage.

You may say that I don't know your husband or how horrible the marriage is.  Alright, I probably do not understand the situation, but I do know that you have a choice in the matter.  If you intend on remaining married to your husband, then you should choose to see the good in the marriage and allow happiness to be your overall response.  If you don't opt for happiness, even by default, then you are choosing a state of unhappiness and this is not worthwhile.  A happy marriage is far more beneficial for you, your partner, and your children.

Here are some of the top methods for choosing happiness in a marriage from a therapist who helps with this area.

1. Be Positive And Not Picky: Unless your husband forced you to marry him, the chance is likely that you chose to marry him.  The majority of people marry partners willingly and this choice is given freely because of his positive attributes.  When you find the positive aspects in your husband, then your marriage will begin to look better responding with gratefulness.  If you have problems thinking of positive attributes, then try changing your perspective and view our list of 99 things that you should be thankful for when looking at your husband.



2. Finding Other Routes To Happiness: If your marriage is not a happy one, then you should attempt to find ways to make it happier and fill that 'happy tank'.  One steady route to happiness is by helping others.  This can be a small gesture, such as baking cookies for your neighbor or writing encouraging letters once per week.  What else makes you happy or makes you smile?  By identifying happiness generators and putting them to work, you can increase feelings of happiness in your life.  Remember, ancient theology states that happiness is rooted in the recognition of blessings that come from good choices.
   
   By continuing to make good choices with your life and in your marriage, you will be able to lead a life that is fulfilled on a deeper level and become equipped to deal with difficult relationships.  The more fulfilment you receive, the less the pressure needed to make marriage your primary source of happiness.



3. Letting Faith Fuel Happiness: The ultimate objective in life is to have a greater purpose, to pursue it, and to give oneself life meaning and, therefore, happiness.  The majority of pursuits for happiness have transient results unless rooted in something substantial.  One of the most reliable methods to identify one's purpose is to ground yourself in faith.  This way, you are not basing your personal happiness on another person's reactions to your efforts.  You feel happy because you are loved by another being whose capacity to love is greater than your partner's.
   
   Not to become too philosophical, you might want to consider the concept of joy.  Joy is a cousin of happiness and is defined differently in Greek text than the meaning in the English language.  According to ancient Greek definition, joy is a type of rejoining in one's circumstances; therefore, even in difficult marriages, we can opt to respond with joy and thankfulness for the positive factors that are present.



4. Rest: This may sound ridiculous, but it is not.  When a person is exhausted, they will not feel happy.  In fact, a person who is tired will not want to even choose happiness.  As an exhausted person, their outlook will be an upset one and they will begin to slide into a state of unhappiness as this is easier.  Remember, true feelings of happiness are a response to blessings in life, and when we are tired we find it difficult to identify these blessings.



5. Get Closer:  Don't give up on attempting to make the marriage better, even if you feel like all of your efforts to become closer to your husband are being rebuked.  Continue to try and persevere.