growing your honeymoon
  • | October 4, 2016
Alright, let’s give another serious topic a go: How do we keep the honeymoon going? A different way to ask that might be, “How do we keep the spark alive?” and that's regardless of whether you’re married to each other or not. It's one of the most frequently asked questions when talking about relationships, and virtually everyone finds themselves stuck in this quandary at one point or another. It's not even uncommon for this to come up more than once in a relationship, provided the relationship survived it the first time.

So, how do we keep the honeymoon going? Well, for starters, we need to know more about what causes that honeymoon feeling: the spark.

In fact, there are the 3 sparks you need to keep lit in order to maintain the honeymoon phase:

  1. Physical attraction. It may sound simple, and even discouraging, but a major spark in a relationship is dependent almost entirely on physical attraction. And that’s not a bad thing – physical attraction is quite often solid ground for developing deeper meaning in a relationship. The problem is whether you’ll be able to foster that development or if your connection will remain strictly physical. Either way, it’s crucial to keep the physical attraction alive in relationships – it’s likely what brought you together, and in most cases, it’s a significant factor in staying together or breaking up, regardless of whatever other attractions you develop later on.

  2. Mental attraction. Today, mental attraction happens quite easily when two people meet online, but it can happen in other ways, as well. In this case, two people fall in love with each other's personalities first and then develop all other types of attraction, physical attraction included. To maintain this honeymoon, it’s important to keep challenging each other mentally. This does not mean you must be in a constant state of debating world politics, but simply that you make a point to continue being interesting to one another. Further developing your physical attraction will obviously always be of help, but if the mental interest dies, physical attraction alone will not save your relationship. So reflect on what you first found interesting about your mate, what he/she found interesting about you, and always make a point of trying to revive and develop those interests.

  3. Emotional attraction. This is a bit different than mental attraction. It’s not so much attraction to the other person’s qualities and character, but it is pure romance. Think Romeo and Juliet. It happens most often to the more romantic types of people, and it’s the most fragile type of relationship, even more fragile than those relationships based on physical attraction. The reason for this is that emotional attraction is usually based on an emotional moment the two shared or on some idealistic image they have about one another. However, those moments and images are quick to die off or be forgotten. To keep such a relationship thriving, it’s important to continue introducing new romantic elements into your lives. This may include adventures, dates, presents, etc. If you’re not ready for something like that, such a relationship may not be for you.

That’s about as the quickest and simplest summary possible of ways to keep the honeymoon going. What’s probably most important to remember in all cases is that a relationship is a complex, ever-changing partnership. It’s not something that you just achieve and then enjoy. Such an assumption is probably the biggest sin committed by the institution of marriage – it leaves you with the idea that once you go past a certain point, the relationship is “sealed.” The ring is on, the documents have been signed, and the work is done. But a relationship, whether a marriage or not, is something that must be developed and cultivated every day. You must view each morning as the first morning.

Good luck!