Maintaining an Active Sex Life
  • | October 5, 2016
When you have small kids running around and want to spend some time getting intimate with your wife, it’s hard to find the right balance between your roles as a father and as a husband. As a parent, not only do you not want your children to catch you in the act, but you also don't want to shirk your parental duties. On the other hand, you and your wife both have needs to be addressed.

If you don’t want to sacrifice either of these roles, and if you hope to maintain your status as a parent and spouse, here are some tips on how to go about doing it:

  1. Find someone to watch your kids. Whether it's a hiring a babysitter or dropping the little ones off with your parents, there will definitely be times when you need to get them out of your hair if you're going to foster any kind of intimacy with your spouse. If you don’t want to end up getting short with your kids, and if you don't want them to catch you in the act, enlist the aid of an outside party to help manage the situation. Your kids will appreciate the change in environment, and as long as it’s only for a few hours, they'll hardly even notice your absence.

  2. Come up with a “back to bed” routine. When you have kids under the age of five, you may find they often come up with excuses to sleep in mummy and daddy’s bed, sometimes even without asking you. If your toddler has a habit of sleeping with you on unexpected occasions, you still have options. For example, if your child complains he's sick or can’t sleep alone in the dark, let him lie in your bed until he falls asleep, then gently move him back to his room to afford you and your spouse the opportunity to do your thing. As your children grow older, they'll eventually learn they can’t sleep with you unless there is a serious reason to do so, and that Mummy and Daddy need some time together. If your child is the kind who gets rambunctious before bed, even refusing to put on pajamas or brush his teeth, a regular routine of calming activities (such as reading a bedtime story) will help to encourage him into his own bed and a restful night's sleep.

  3. Lock the bedroom door. One of the most embarrassing things that can happen as a parent (and one of the most confusing as a child) is having one of your kids walk in on you during the act. The most likely way to protect your privacy (and your kid’s innocence) is to lock the door as soon as you detect those sexual feelings coming on. If you hear a knock and your child says he needs you, there's no harm in pausing your intimate acts to address the situation, then get back to it. Try to keep your bedroom a separate space in the house to make it a more private area, less likely to be violated by curious kids.

It’s natural to feel a bit guilty or even like you're neglecting your children when trying to maintain that intimate spark with your wife, but keep in mind having a healthy marriage will help you be a better parents and create a happy household. Find the balance between father and husband, and you're sure to be glad for it in the long run.

Good luck!