When your wife or girlfriend makes more money than you, it’s natural to feel a bit intimidated, uncomfortable, or disempowered by the situation. Up until a few decades ago, societies tended to be more poatriarchal in nature, and men were expected to be the primary providers for the household. Of course, times have changed as more and more women entered the workforce, and they now have the potential to earn more than their partners and meet their financial needs entirely on their own.
If you feel uneasy about your partner making more money than you and don’t want to give in to feelings of competition or jealousy, here are some tips on how to deal with it:
Good luck!
If you feel uneasy about your partner making more money than you and don’t want to give in to feelings of competition or jealousy, here are some tips on how to deal with it:
- View it as a positive. Your gut reaction to this news may be one of irritation, and it might be hard at first to see the good aspects of this situation, but if you try to look at the brighter side, you’ll find that having a partner with a higher income has many benefits. As a team, there will be less stress to make ends meet each month, and as an individual, you'll have more monetary freedom to pursue your own interests. Sure, you don’t want your financial excess to cause you to isolate yourself from your partner or family as you take on personal projects and ambitions, but aiming to better yourself and your situation while also spending some quality time with your family is a win-win for everyone involved.
- Be open and honest about your feelings. It's possible if your partner is making more money than you, she may become too comfortable spending that money. If you're feeling uneasy and insecure about your partner's financial position and spending habits, kindly express your worries without making her feel attacked or guilty about it. She may feel more free to spend a little extra when going out since she's making more of the money in your relationship, but it's best not to let her indulge in unnecessary expenses, especially if it's going to affect your own financial situation.
- Split the bills comfortably. If you feel like you're not contributing enough to the household finances and want to gain back some of your power, suggest you and your partner split the bills evenly to make matters fair – if she pays more of the bills, you may feel she has more power over you, and this may make you feel even more distressed by the situation. Alternately, if you know you're not capable of paying a full half of the bills, consider if you're comfortable letting her take on more of the financial burden. While it's understandable to feel slightly emasculated in this situation, there's no shame in letting your partner take on a more primary financial role until you get to the point where you can contribute more.
- Don’t try to compete with her. It's possible that on her budget, she'll be able to afford paying for designer clothes while your budget only allows you to buy good clothes a few times a year. Don’t attempt to overspend your own money and potentially even go into debt in order to be on the same financial level as your partner when you simply don't make as much. In the end, this will result in destabilizing your household finances, leading to more monetary problems, discrepancies, and frustrations. Be realistic about how much you make and what you can contribute, and move forward from there.
Good luck!
