Talking to Women Tips
  • | October 5, 2016
Confidence: That darned word we keep hearing from women but so often feel we can’t put into practice the way they want us to. And the whole bunch of stigmas surrounding the dating scene doesn’t help either – it’s getting increasingly difficult for a lot of men to feel confident when talking to women, even if they feel confident in all other aspects of their lives.

So how do we change that? Well, for starters, we need to understand what “confidence” actually is. It’s not some secret magic power. It’s not the province of the select few of us worthy of finding a mate. It’s not the golden fleece of the modern age.

It’s just a feeling. And like any other feeling, it can easily be manifested through the right mindset.

Here are 10 simple tips on governing your mind and behavior in order to feel more confident when talking to women:

  1. Have a mission. A goal. Not just “I want to impress her,” but something else. It can be a career goal, a personal goal, or something more significant. There’s no need to focus every conversation on it, but simply having it, feeling it, and expressing it every once in a while can make all the difference in helping you to appear driven.

  2. Be unapologetic. Not to the point of being a jackass, of course, but don’t be too repentant, either. When you make a mistake, a simple “sorry” is often enough. Don’t beat yourself up after every misstep. Don’t spew “sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry!” like a mantra. If you express strength, you’ll feel strong.

  3. Show competence. After all, empty confidence is not a positive characteristic. Having skills and assets that you are competent in will boost your levels of confidence. If your competences are not on display, your confidence will seem empty even when it isn’t. Identify the things you're good at, and make a point of drawing attention to them. Wonder why women like handy men? Men that can fix stuff at home? Because it's a show of competence, plain and simple, and competent men are confident men.

  4. Show (a healthy degree of) dominance. Again, you don't want to be too pushy here, but don’t be afraid to express yourself and to drive situations. There’s a reason why men lead a dance and women follow. Men who take initiative are perceived as leaders, and many women will see this as a sign of power. They will be drawn to these traits and take comfort in your role as a strong male presence.

  5. Challenge her. Don’t infuriate her, but don’t be “too easy,” either. Women are not the only ones who benefit from “playing hard to get.” Make yourself someone who needs to be claimed and who needs to be deserved. Doing so will make you seem like a worthy prize and ultimately make her want you that much more.

  6. Be vulnerable. Vulnerability is not a weakness. Don’t be afraid to show who you are and how you feel. Confidence does not mean being strong and “manly” all the time. Confidence means being OK with who you are. A man can show vulnerability and still give off confidence. In fact, it takes strength to admit your vulnerability, and women know this better than we do.

  7. Act rich (even if you're not). Imagine you have a million dollars in your pocket, and behave accordingly. Not in terms of buying things, obviously, but simply in terms of how you stand and talk. Keep your body language strong, and be confident in what you're saying. Make sure your attire reflects this confidence. Looking expensive will make you feel expensive, and if you act worthy, women will believe that you are.

  8. Be optimistic. A pessimist can’t have confidence, neither in himself nor in his surroundings – that’s why he’s a pessimist. Try your best not only to obtain a more optimistic worldview but also to display it. Women would much rather focus on discovering your positive traits than seeking out negative ones; you should do the same. Be optimistic about what you bring to the table and where you see your future headed, and the woman you want to impress will take note.

  9. Be spontaneous. Being spontaneous means having confidence that whatever you do will turn out well. That’s why women love spontaneous men – not only do these men make things interesting, but they make women feel secure. They exude confidence.

  10. Let go of anxiety. It seems like a wicked circle – a lack of confidence generates anxiety, and that anxiety often results in a lack of confidence. But every wicked circle needs to be broken somewhere. So get rid of the anxiety whichever way you can. Mental hygiene, positive thinking, a quick drink beforehand, even a psychologist if you can overcome that stigma. We can’t possibly cure anxiety in one paragraph, but it is the bane of confidence. Read into it, and treat it if you have it.

That’s it. We hope these tips will point you in the right direction and help boost your confidence for the next woman who catches your eye.

Good luck!