Dealing with Vindictive Ex Tips
  • | October 5, 2016
When relationships end you hope that both parties will act maturely and move on with their lives. Unfortunately, that doesn’t always happen. Some people have trouble letting go. Maybe you were a jerk and deserved to have your tires slashed or maybe she’s seriously in need of some professional help. In any case, you need to handle this situation and the sooner the better.

A vindictive ex can make trouble for you personally as well as legally. The situation can escalate and you definitely don’t want that. Here are 7 tips for dealing with a vindictive ex.

  1. Don’t sink to her level. The last thing you need is an escalating war that lands you in deep trouble. Vindictiveness is often irrational and not only is it petty and vindictive on your part to give it back, it will only encourage her to continue doing whatever she is doing. Also, it will not benefit your side of things if and when you have to get the law involved. Simply do not engage her whenever possible.

  2. Appeal to friends. While you may want to exercise caution in involving other people, it may be worth an effort to try and enlist a mutual friend to appeal to her. It may be just the reality check they need to get back on track with moving on.

  3. Document everything. Keep a record of all phone calls, text messages, emails, or unexpected visits (aka harassment). Begin to get things on the record. If she shows up to your work unannounced and causes a scene, don’t try to blow it off as nothing. Have your security office or human resources department draft an incident report.

  4. Document and report any damage she causes. We half-jokingly mentioned slashed tired in the introduction but should this or something like it happen, report it. This is absolutely crucial. Involve the police, fill out a report, and allow them to investigate. This only helps keep things officially documented and starts to establish a pattern of behavior and activity on your part.

  5. Do not be afraid to file a restraining order. This is not just for women, guys. Men get them too. Also called an “order of protection,” a restraining order imposes severe penalties if the person contacts you or comes within a certain distance of you. Again, this continues the process of documenting her irrational and unlawful behavior and will only help you if you need to involve the authorities more.

  6. File charges. Despite your best hopes that she’ll “just go away,” sometimes that won’t happen and you need to protect yourself and potentially others as well. Do not be afraid to file charges with the police and start legitimate legal proceedings. The last thing you wanted was for things to go this far but sometime they are necessary.

  7. Think of the kids. If there are children involved in your relationship your primary goal needs to be their safety and well-being. You may not have the luxury of waiting her out to see if she comes to her senses. If the situation calls for it, don’t hesitate to enlist the authorities early. Your children come first.

A vindictive ex can be difficult to deal with since they may be behaving irrationally. The important thing to keep in mind is the safety of everyone involved, yes even hers. Do not be afraid to go to the police if necessary especially if there are children who may get stuck in the middle of everything.

Good luck.